A Few Observations About My Flight and England

Hey. If you’re reading this, presumably you know me, so you know that I’ll be abroad until December. I decided to start writing a blog so that you guys could know what I’m up to and so I would have a way to systematize the stuff I’ve seen. Usually if I rely on just my long-term memory, I end up forgetting anecdotes and other interesting things I’ve seen, which makes conversations of the “So what did you do in Europe?” sort very difficult, as I either say something bland or strain to remember interesting encounters.

So, this is what travelling was like for me:

1) Both JFK and Heathrow look like the 70s’ idea of a good time. Also, Heathrow really strange: there are no gates, really, and it looks like a nondescript office building on the inside. I’d been expecting more because someone said it was really good. Sure.

2) The urinal in JFK has one of those odor-fighting cake-protectors. I noticed that it was made by a paper company (Dunder-Mifflin, maybe?), that claimed it was “more than just paper…we’re solutions.” Presumably they want me to think of them as a progressive, visionary company. But I really don’t care to think of my paper companies that way. What I want to do is get paper. The amorphous ‘solutions’ that they refer to are probably “major occurrences” that I should probably be solving on my own, or with people who actually have experience with that kind of stuff (I’m thinking here of say, cancer and aliens). Not, at any rate, a paper company. This actually bothered me.

3) I was dreading my flight for a few reasons. I would have to sleep, first of all. This is difficult. Also, flights bother me because there are always a thousand minor annoyances that make you wish you could get your own damn plane. So it was with this flight: two bawling babies competed over who had the most booming lungs. The most bothersome aspect was this. When I sat down in my middle seat (red flag), I found that my neighbor to my right was quite portly and only had a Sudoku book. This didn’t seem like sufficient entertainment for a grown man, because either he was intelligent, and so would solve all the puzzles and grow bored, or he was dumb, and so would be unable to solve any of the puzzles and grow bored. It was actually neither of these two things, as he displayed an impressive sleeping ability: the moment we were in the air, he serenaded us with sonorous snores. He awoke for meals with disturbing precision. He was the aisle seat, so trips to the bathroom were impossible. This would be tolerable for me if it weren’t for the woman in front of me, who apparently decided to exercise her freedom to recline her chair into my face. Also I have problems sleeping on moving objects. Also the very nice steward(ess) team kept insisting that I try wine. This made it difficult to sleep.

4) The best thing about driving from Heathrow to Oxford is how quickly the cityscape morphs to countryside. It’s all soft hills and big trees.

5) Some people claim that dental problems are Britain’s greatest. This is untrue; dermatology is the most troubled of speciality fields in health, if a half-hour walk in Oxford is any guide.

I’ll try to write daily.